The Mistletoe Menace
by Mackledberries
Summary: Bart contends with the greatest holiday horror known to boykind, girls with mistletoe! A silly little oneshot with a little BartxTerri!


Bart shivered intensely. It had nothing to do with the cold, even though it was so merciless and bitter, he was certain he passed by a frozen solid mouse earlier. He was layered appropriately for that, at least as much as he could be. No, it was a dread shiver.

For the past two years there was a tradition. Whenever it was the last day of School for the year, he suffered. His pig-nosed, purple-haired, bow-wearing, vaguely-spooky, mildly-annoying, butt-pain classmates, Sherri and Terri, would bring in with the worst weapon known to boykind: mistletoe. Despite what they claimed, they always ignored everyone else and zeroed in on him like a pair of starving raccoons to a trash can.

An hour ago, Bart was feeling confident it would be different this year, he took extra precautions. Lacing their packed lunches with something to make them sick, gathering and destroying anything even vaguely resembling mistletoe, dressing Milhouse up like himself. Logically, he was in the clear.

Yet all the signs were there. The sky darkened, the halls were vacant and rats were fleeing in droves. They couldn't have possibly evaded his cleverly laid traps, could they? Surely it wasn't possible…

_"Oh Baaaarrrrrrrrrrrt!"_

The synchronized yell rang through the school, echoing off the walls and surrounding Bart with the singsong call of the grim horrors from beyond, it was impossible to tell where they were. The sound of footsteps and giddy cackles were coming from all around, was there no place to hide? Bart's overly impulsive brain tried to find a solution, yet only one of them truly clicked.

"_Gyahhh, nooo!_" Bart cried out, stance wide, one arm shot out and the other trying to wring his heart. In a sudden motion, he dropped to the floor, stiff as the acting in Waterworld. His tongue lolled to the side and with that, he was dead. A performance that made Shakesphere look like Milhouse's theater debut, to be sure. Somehow willing most of his bodily functions to cease, Bart waited to be discovered.

Slowly, a pair of identical big-cheeked faced peered over, seemingly unconcerned that they were looking at a corpse. As expected, one of them had mistletoe, held by a string on a makeshift fishing pole.

"Oh no," one of them flatly said, "Bart's dead."

"Aw, that's a shame," the other added, "he's definitely dead and not living at all."

The both of them made a perfectly synced grunt of agreement.

"You know, Terri… there might be a way to save him!" Sherri added to Bart's creeping horror.

"And what's that?"

"Why, you could bring him back to life, with _true love's kiss!_" the two of them cackled uproariously as the one without the mistletoe, Terri, peered closer and Sherri hung it above the two. She parked herself on Bart's belly and leaned in close, the biggest smile plastered on her face.

"Have no fear, Bart,_ your ~true love's~ coming to save you!_" she chirped.

Could they have seen through his masterful ruse? Impossible, nobody could have figured him out, not after that thirty minute acting lesson he had and got bored of a few months back. He had been outplayed, checkmated, pinned to the spot with no possible escape. Curse his quick and not-at-all-thorough thinking! Throwing Terri off wasn't an option either, she was deceptively heavy, not that either of them were beanpoles.

For all their calculating, however, there was one course of action they didn't expect and it was Bart's only trick left, his very last resort from which nobody could walk away unscathed. Terri was already getting ready to infect him with cooties once more while making little kissy noises, this was his only chance to turn the tables!

A split second before Terri could hold onto Bart's shoulders for balance, he quickly raised his head and their lips met. It… wasn't too bad! It wasn't like it made him feel warm and fuzzy inside or anything! Really!

Once he remembered, he pulled back with a loud 'smack' and Terri reared back, almost falling off. Her eyes went wider than Bart had ever remembered seeing and her pale face flushed a stark red which she desperately tried to cover up.

"Wow, Bart!" Sherri remarked with a gleeful snigger as she watched her sister stammer in a fit of bashfulness.

All thoughts of doom and gloom had been evicted from Bart's mind. While Terri hopped off with the most sheepish smile, he wondered what he was ever worried about. Thinking back, it wasn't like he had never been kissed before, or even made out with a girl once or twice. He always thought the twins were always out to torment him but perhaps that wasn't the case this year? Or maybe he had it all wrong from the start? Was Terri just never able to spit it out and this was the closest she could manage? It would have been hard to otherwise explain her behavior at that moment.

"See, was that so bad, you big baby?" Sherri said as she hooked her arms under Bart's and pulled him off the floor.

Neither he nor Terri had anything to say, both of them only stealing awkward little glances at each other. Bart might have been going crazy but he thought Terri looked kind of cute when she was like this!

"Well, it's a shame though," Sherri murmured, fishing for a response. Once that failed she continued, "we had a present ready but it got stolen…"

"Huh, what's that about a present?" Bart replied, suddenly snapped to reality.

"Um, we had a present to give you, you know, if you were a good sport and all." Terri dug her heel into the floor. "But Francine took it along with our lunch…"

"Aw jeez, that sucks." Bart griped, "well, I never got you two anything so…"

Neither of the twins were surprised by that. Usually they'd count themselves lucky if anyone from the school gave them so much as a stick of gum for Christmas. Or some listerine tablets that Skinner handed out to honor students, which felt more insulting than anything. Like he was saying "Merry Christmas, your breath stinks!".

"Well, you do have one thing we could give each other…" Terri cooed with a little smirk. It didn't take a Lisa to figure out what that was. Bart thought it over for a moment, then shrugged.

_Ah, what the hell!_

Reaching out, he took Terri's hands and pulled her in gently. After a little hesitation, the two of them kissed again. Terri felt as if she was melting a little into it, even slightly lifting her leg. Bart felt something flutter has her thumbs caressed his palms. Before it could get awkward, their lips parted with a loud 'mwah!' from Terri. There wasn't any hint of mischief or malice in her smile, it was probably the most earnest expression he'd even seen from either of them.

"Hey um, Merry Christmas, Bart!" Terri chirped

"Yeah, Merry Christmas… um…"

"Terri."

"Terri! Yeah!" Bart repeated with an equally earnest smile, walking backwards and making a finger-gun at her. As smoothly as he could, he pried open the nearest door and slipped out.

"So, should we tell him that's the supply closet?"

"Oh, he'll figure it out," Terri remarked, hearing a thud and a groan from the other side.


End file.
